Their real names have been altered to save embarrassment, but you’ve got to admit it’s funny! And everyone knows an Alice, and probably a Joe too. You may even be one yourself!
It all began with a quite innocent ‘Come on; let’s go to the cinema this afternoon. James Bond, ‘Skyfall’ is on. We can be there in half an hour and if we hurry we’ll make the start.’
‘Great,’ said Joe. ‘Ready when you are, got your specs, Alice?’
Joe was on medication and the doctor had told him he couldn’t drive for a couple of weeks. Not that he was complaining. It made a pleasant change being in the passenger seat.
‘Joe, I can’t find my glasses.’
‘Well when did you last have them?’
Alice didn’t need her glasses for everyday, just for driving.
‘Err, just the other day when I drove onto town to go to the opticians. If you remember I had lost them, then I found them and put them down near the sink. Only when you came in with the shopping….’
Joe remembered. The shopping bag had been particularly heavy that day and anyway it was a stupid place to leave a pair of glasses.
‘I know they’re here somewhere, Joe. I just can’t put my hands on them. Never mind I’ll just borrow Lucy’s. She won’t mind.’
Joe sighed and didn’t reply. He’d heard it all before.
The cinema was one of those multi-screen complexes half an hour away so parking was never a problem and as it turned out the roads were quiet so they made it with time to spare. They had just taken their seats when Alice said, ‘Joe, I can’t find Lucy’s specs in my bag.’
‘Well you probably left them in the car. You don’t need them to see the film.’
‘No, I’m sure I was holding them in the same hand as the car keys.’
‘You haven’t lost the car keys have you?’
‘No, Joe, I haven’t!’
It was dark when Joe and Alice came out of the cinema and climbed into the car. Alice’s glasses, or rather Lucy’s, were nowhere to be found; certainly not in the car, the cinema, the handbag or a coat pocket.
‘Just drive slowly,’ said Joe, ‘and you’ll be ok. The road’s a familiar one and it should still be quiet.’
They had almost reached the exit when Alice slammed on the brakes. ‘I wonder if I dropped them when I was getting out of the car. I told you I was sure I had them in my hand along with the keys.’
She did a U turn and found the parking space again. Sure enough there on the tarmac in the headlights was a spectacle case.
‘Ooo, what a relief. I don’t know what I would have said to Lucy. You know she’s only got the one pair at the moment.’
But Alice’s joy was short lived as Joe retrieved the errant spectacles and opened the case.
‘Bloody hell, Alice. You must have driven over them!’
The rest of the journey was uneventful and passed in silence. No sooner had they arrived home and walked in through the front door when Lucy came down the stairs to greet them.
‘Mum, you haven’t you seen my glasses have you? I’m sure I left them on the sideboard this morning……’
I’m so nearsighted that I normally don’t ever take my glasses off except to sleep or rub my eye! But in recent years I’ve developed other types of eye problems, so now I have three pairs – one for general long-distance use and reading, one for the computer, and one for TV, without bifocals so I can lean my head back in the recliner and still see the screen. It’s so much fun to get old!
…with another pair, just in case, to locate the others?
LOL!! Okay I have to laugh because if I take my glasses off and don’t immediately put my contacts in, I don’t know if I can find my glasses again. One night they fell behind my night stand. Apparently I must have been tossing and turning because half of the items on my night stand landed behind it. I needed to go upstairs so I frantically searched for them to no avail. So I stumbled to the bathroom to try to put in my contacts and couldn’t find their case. I ended up having to wake my husband who found them immediately. “Here they are” he pointed out…and I thought it was my cell phone cord plugged in the wall
I feel Alice’s pain! And Lucy’s for that matter!
Eck, a more emotive (and potentially humorous) topic than I thought. Fortunately I just need specs for driving and usually keep them in the same place, although I have been known to…….!
This post was rather spooky for me. My great aunt’s name was Alice. Her last name was Waller. (She died in the 1960s.)
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. Now there’s coincidence, we could be related!