Christmas is coming the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man’s hat……
Yes, Christmas is coming. Tis the season to be jolly, or should that be silly! I was in M & S foodstore the other day when I saw the following:-
EXPLOSIVES ACT 1875 FIREWORKS (SAFETY) REGULATIONS 2004
It is an offence to sell (Christmas) crackers to persons under the age of 16 years.
Well it made me take notice. There I was looking at boxes of novelty crackers and innocently thinking about those jokes that make you groan, party hats and the wonderful plastic novelties. But in the real world, ‘Elf n Safety land’, there was a dastardly plot afoot to blow up Father Christmas being hatched by all those over the age of 16. So how many Christmas crackers would it take to blow him up? Do you pack the chimney full of them; leave a mince pie wired to a cellar full; set them under the roof tiles and then take his sleigh out as well? (By the way how do you stuff a reindeer?) Will the authorities foil the plot in time! Sniffer dogs trained to find caches of crackers, a Government hot line for retailers to call to report unusually large sales of these festive weapons of mass destruction.
Spare a thought too for the innocent purchaser. Guidance is required. Risk assessments need to be completed. Signs saying ‘not to be pulled without adult supervision’ or ‘handle with care, gloves and safety goggles to be worn at all times’ (on second thoughts that’s more appropriate for the secretary at the office party, but that’s another story). Should households eat Christmas dinner with buckets of sand and fire extinguishers on standby in case a rogue cracker goes up?
And it does not end there. Evidently party poppers are covered under the same legislation. Take cover, wear your little black dress with matching safety helmet, listen out for shouts of ‘incoming’ and ‘fire in the hole’.
You have to smile, so I will leave you with my favourite cracker joke: What does a transvestite do at Christmas? Eat, drink and be Mary!