This week I have invited a guest writer onto my blog to say a few words. She’s a lady from the North East I met on the train when I was travelling up to Newcastle the other day.
Hiyas. My nyem is Sharanne but all ma friends caal us Shazza. Aah’m fre Gateshead originally, that’s near to Newcassel ya knaas, but I noo work away. I used to be a dansa wi Spearmint Rhino an’ then a hostess but got a bit fed up with fellas always trying it on. Well, lasses, you knaa what its leik when yers ave a good figure n all. Mind aah’m not saying I don’t leik blokes, aah ‘ve just more decorum noo.
So yees’ll be askin what am aah doin on here. Me on this posh site for writing an aal. Well this nice fella sez I’m interestin, an a bit canny an thought you’d wanna hear aboot what aah dees.
Friday aa’d te gan back up te Gateshead. Bit of a rush job. Ah wez invited te the Sage, that’s a conference centa for those of yers who dinny knaa, te a symposium on climate change an’ the effects of foreign holidays on the environment. I wez te read me latest academic paper on the subject. Mind, ah did some last minute shoppin forst. So popped doon The Toon te Grey Street an bought mesel a nice pair of Manilo Blahnik shoes an a Jean Muir dress, very demure ah’ll say. Yers have got te look yers best, eh lasses. I wuz fair lookin forward to mixin it doon the symposium.
Tee many tweedie jackets an’ beards fer my taste though. An’ ah wez standin’ an rubbin shoulders, socialisin’ mind, as yers di aal day lang. Dyer knaa ah wez chattin te that Deborah Meaden, yers knaas, tha huffy one off Dragons Den on the tele. Debbie, I sez, wi aal that money can’t yer make a better show of yorsel, pet. Ah wont tell yers hor reply, but she’s aal money and nee class that one.
What a weekend, I’ll say. Saturday I wez invited oot te lunch. Aye, me, what does yers think aboot that. Well ah hev te say ah wez a bit apprehensive mind. Ah wez meetin me new friend, Brenda. She’s lovely, a real pet. Anyways we met in the toon outside the library an took a taxi te a little hotel she knaas in the country. Well, tha taxi driver only tried it on, cheeky bugga. Brenda almost left im wi his watsits in his hand, an ah wont tell yers what tip she gave him, but it made me blush ah’ll say.
Anyways there ah wez wearing me tailored trousas, me heels an a nice strappy top wi a bolero jacket, classy mind. Me friend Brenda wez dressed 50’s style , the era not hor age, an wi sunglasses. A small hat wi a veil an a wool coat, very chic. Lovely bright lipstick, tha sort men just love to lick off yers if yers knaas what ah mean. An we just nivver stopped taakin. Shall ah tell yers who she reminded us of… EL Wisty, but she’s not quite so tonal an less logical leik. An she’s taller than yee waad think wi an accent ah could nt quite place, but a bit posh leik mine. Mind after a few glasses of nice wine…well…..think we’ll he gannin fer an evening oot soon, aye ladies who lunch on the pull eh.
Anyways we got te taakin aboot poetry. We shares a love of verse, see.The merits of unrhymed iambic pentameters in yer stanzas an comparing the sonnets of Shakespeare to Tennyson. Brenda’s collecting poems an publishin an anthology of romantic ones. Some good uns an aal. Well, they got me goin ah can tell yers. Why a coupla of them in bed wi yer fella. The new viagra. Hev yers tried it?
Ah well, praps aah’ve said enough for ma forst blog an I’d better let this nice man ave it back.
So cheerio, an’ gan canny yers aal.